You finally met someone ok, who you like, you feel wonderful in his presence, he behaves remarkably in meetings, he’s masculine, powerful, courteous, and you… sit and watch the phone. Would you write to him? Can you wait for him to write to you? If you ask yourself what a woman that values herself would do, welcome to my blog!
When it comes to writing messages, women really come from Venus and men from Mars.
We tend to write long paragraphs, give a million details of our life, about any small facts we stumble upon, to tell what has happened to us in detail, and all of these, perhaps, before he has the opportunity to answer at least with a short text. We believe that if we talk and write to a man just as we do with the other friends, he will be very impressed and feel the connection – but in fact, all the fire will be diminished.
Before I get to the subject, just imagine this: You throw a party for your birthday, you look at the presents you received, and can hardly wait to open them. All-day you think about them. What surprises will you find this year? What do you feel after you opened your last gift? Is there any more excitement and curiosity to be felt, now that you have nothing to discover?
Should I text him?
Sometimes it is good to break all rules and be the first to write to a man with whom you want to have a relationship. But in some cases, it’s better to leave the phone aside and take a step back.
Men are equipped with a type of sensor that scans your messages, and they can immediately realize a great deal about you like: your personality, the way you see yourself, and your level of despair and neediness. And not only that, but the way you write to a man you like can cultivate or destroy his interest in you. So, the answer to the question of whether you should write to him is NO. Let me tell you why.
Couples and Shift Dating communication
During the Shift Dating period, in my opinion, messages written on the phone account for approximately 70% of the communication.
Shift dating is about mystery, about the thrill that you, as a woman, give to the man who courts you, it is about how you see yourself and how you express it.
Today, communication in a couple is also done through written messages when partners are not together. You tend to think that if you are already in a relationship, it doesn’t apply to you. But surprise! It is precisely in a relationship that effective communication is the most challenging to maintain.
A lot of communication and automatic blockage, in the sense of happiness you yearn, occurs when you as a partner become co-dependent and too attached. That is, when you become uncertain, you do not have enough confidence in you, feel anxiety when you are not together, you stress about what he does and where he is, then you give out desperate energy and hang on the man, especially through messages, calls, and control.
The test of a woman that values herself
Check how valuable you consider yourself are when you write to a man, by answering the following questions frankly:
How long does it take before you respond to a message?
In what percentage do you usually initiate the contact via messages?
You might also like my articles on whether you should ask him out and whether you should try to get him back.
How often did you surprise yourself writing about anything, for the sake of talking to him or to capture his attention? Includes:” I just wanted to hear/talk to you”.
How many paragraphs, or lines, do you usually send before he answers?
Or, are you used to sending another message if you see that you haven’t received an answer to the last one?
How long do you tend to write messages about how your day was, what happened to you, things that can be discussed face-to-face?
Do you surprise yourself asking him “How are you? Where are you? When are you coming? Who is there with you? Why didn’t you answer when I called you? Did you not receive my message?”
Does it happen often to be you who writes the last message in a conversation?
How do you react when you get a message that just says ”ok”?
How you see yourself is not how he sees you
Answers to the questions above can give you an idea of “How he sees you”. Maybe you think you’re doing the right thing, attracting his attention, and showing him how wonderful and careful you are – but, be careful!
It is very likely that he will see you not as a valuable woman, but as a second option or worse, a trample. That is to say:
- a woman who cannot sit alone for a moment and has no life of her own and other concerns outside the relationship
- a needy woman who always demands attention and permanent reassurance from outside
- a banal woman, which is too available, that puts too much on the plate, which has too much time to spare
- a desperate woman who pinpoints a single man as a laser
- a woman running after a man rather than being courted, conquered.
What happens next? The attraction is dead as you might guess. The interest disappears – he becomes busier and more unavailable. The mystery becomes non-existent. Finally, the connection… he will look for it elsewhere, where he will feel that thrill, that conqueror momentum, somewhere where he does not get everything without any work and where the fire is not consumed so quickly.
What do you do when he initiates communication only through messages and zero face-to-face meetings?
Or time spent together is zero if you are already in a relationship.
How do you show him that you are a valuable woman and that your idea of dating/relationship/love is NOT writing messages 24 hours a day, but prefer quality face-to-face time?
You can answer:
“I am very pleased to talk, but I am not a chat fan. I prefer face-to-face meetings. In fact, I am looking forward to ours!”.
“I like the time spent together and the writing of messages is not my strength. I’d be better at a live meeting!”
The idea is not to enter a circle of mileage rounds of messages but to create that mystery, that curiosity for your next meeting or invitation.
Some techniques for effective communication
- Let him look for you first.
- Don’t initiate, you just answer.
- Take time to answer, not in the next minute, as if you were with the phone in your hand waiting.
- Not every message needs an answer.
- Don’t show your availability 24/7. You can put the phone aside in the shower, when you eat, or when you’re taking time for yourself.
- Write short and” girly” messages. Men are not programmed to read and remember full paragraphs. But something short, intriguing, and sexy – yes!
- Don’t start writing messages if you can’t stop missing him, or if he hasn’t written to you in a while. By taking the reins, it will not make him want to conquer you at all. Rather apply the “wait and see” method. Thus, it automatically filters who deserves to be in your life.
- Be the one who stops writing after a while and starts to want more than a chat relationship.
Lessons, not failure
Don’t worry if you find yourself in one or more of these situations described in this article. Unfortunately, no one teaches us from childhood how to be genuine and valuable women, even though I would introduce femininity as a class in schools.
Why do we need a femininity course? Simply: because until recently, we learned femininity from a masculinized society, from the lack of communication from the biological family, from movies, commercials, soap operas, magazines, friends, colleagues, etc. All this produces prey females, co-dependence, lack of personal standards, inability to leave a relationship that makes us sick, a low or non-existent self-image.
Many of us went through one of the next phases: Using the phone while in the bathroom, sitting at the table, sleeping with it near the pillow, on the pedestrian passage, on the job, in the pool, at the gym. Thousands and thousands of messages on WhatsApp, Viber. Waiting, stress, frustration, anxiety, lack of control, lack of confidence in itself.
I want you to rediscover your value and your femininity, and remember:
- how to be a woman that values herself
- how to love yourself
- and how to create connection and privacy with a quality man in the long term.
Are you still thinking or are you ready to become the woman for whom every man begs to have in his life?